About Me...

The doctor said i was a paranoid schizophrenic. Well, he didnt actually say it. But we knew he was thinking it.
A strange mix* of quiet exterior, yet can be very mischievous on the inside.
I like girls with a little bit devilish in them I'm an easy-going, cool kinda guy..not moody(HONESTLY),independent and a little shy at times.
I do believe that the sum of each person contributes an equal part in a relationship & also helps keep that chemistry simmering.

*30% Chocolate


My Ideal Person

A fun loving, cheeky girl with a great smile & huge heart.
A girl that excites me when I think about her, makes me shiver while I kiss & hold her.
A lover, best friend, soul mate.
Share fun, happy times together & of course the sad times.
Not looking to move you in or rush you up the aisle, although I may be open to persuasion for the 'right' girl
Does this rare species of a girl really exist? If so....then ask her to send me a message xXx
Or are the prophetic End Times upon us with brimstone, fire and shoes.


About Santa

Now, having giving it much thought, and seeing how Santa doesn’t really exist..What on account of the abominable snowman having ate him for brekkie, grilled, with a squeeze of lemon. All that nosh that you leave out for Santa, particularly anything with the words chocolate sugary goodness dry wine yes I am partial to dressing up in boots and all manner of kinky gear - in it • stockpile it for me, oh and get all your friends to do the same. Now pray, what beith the cost of this humble service I offer, merely some gold bullion draped with rare moonstone gems ....shall I draw up the contract* now?

* May be riddled with corset, boot/heels clauses**
**Not santa, cos we established he was a figment of your crazed imagination


About Players

Dear insertname, The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again but unfortunately I cannot. You see, I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet insertname, . Perhaps we will meet again, in another decade--provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love from the beyond..

About Flowers

In all likely hood I would have blown that cash on cakes, many many cakes, a great many cakes

The goodewitch of the south once asked me why my profile read as it did…perhaps she was fond of me in some ways or got fed up dusting round about me. I sat her down and explained in great depth the different attributes that make up a person hopes desires expectations. As opposed to the usual rubbish… before a loving equilibrium could be realized and a future of happily ever after in a house made of a gigantic muffin. I think perhaps she understood, or did she just nod off for a bit..I couldn’t be sure so I pointed my finger and said “witch”

About Pandora

So ive mulled it over and decided I would like 5ish foot tall perfect person with a pandora type of persona in the bedroom...or kitchen table...if you know what I mean...and I am sure that you do....when you hide the locked chest in the bedroom and claim to all and sundry its erm bed linen as opposed to a treasure chest of pleasures, boots, shiny underwear and energy depleting devices....


About Aging

I seem to have aged another year...not that I really notice these thingies now due to my senile incompetence. I have commenced construction of a time machine, which will be operational as soon as i come into possession of 5 miles of tin foil, 3amp fuse - from my toaster, and collapse the planet earth into a quantum singularity. Secretly I fear my stumbling block will be the tinfoil as it only comes in 15m rolls from tescos..K i must go and feast on cake which has age halting properties